Well...it's been quite a while...
The last time I posted I thought I would be teaching in a well off school, the school where I attended K-5th grade, the school where my mother taught. The last time I posted I had NO idea where the Lord would lead me or that teaching would be the single-most, hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. That was May 2011.
This is March 2012 and this is my life.
I am a 4th grade teacher in a school where 85% of the children receive free or reduced lunch. My first few weeks of school included one of my parents cussing out the office, students running in rage out of the room (without permission, of course), multiple children telling me they hate me and hate the school, 4th graders on 1st grade reading levels, and the thoughts, "Why am I doing this?" and "There's NO way I was made for this, Jesus!" running rancid through my mind. I had a student on a "Crisis Plan," meaning that if he got angry enough I had get all other students out of his sight or else he could harm them. I had piles and piles of paperwork, I did not know my way around school, and I never went to the bathroom. I am not a "yeller" or someone who gets angry. Now, I have never yelled more in my life. I have written more referrals than I thought I would write in a lifetime. I have cried, wept, more than I have in my entire life. I have spent weekends doing school work, weeknights feeling even more exhausted. I have had 6 new students between November and March, which I thought was unheard of but because of the area is fairly common.
I have felt worthless, powerless, and disrespected. I am a teacher and this is my life. This is my life but I have learned to be grateful. I have learned that I am nothing without Christ, my Savior. In Him, I have life. In Him, I have unchanging Joy. What a praise! In Him, I can be grateful no matter the circumstances. I have learned to love my "special" 4th grade friends. I am still learning to daily to see them through Jesus' eyes. I am learning to appreciate their laughs, their smiles, their moments when they finally understand a difficult topic. I am learning that I am not a "life-changer" no matter how much I want to be - only Jesus can do that. I am grateful. I am expectant.
Thank you Jesus for the hardest moments of my life. You are good. You are faithful.
Amen
