Box of Perfection

Well, what a whirlwind the past few weeks have been. My mind has been jumping and swirling in thousands of directions it seems. From principal observations, to report cards, to parent teacher conferences, to lesson plans, to new ideas that need to be implemented in my classroom, to just living life. Whirlwind.

Yesterday I felt a new sense of freedom and release from this crazy life whirlwind. I, along with many other women, were blessed to have a "retreat day" focused solely on resting and praying at the feet of Jesus all day.

Gosh, it was needed.

There were many focused prayer stations on topics like identity and freedom. Throughout the afternoon I heard a Whisper that became louder and louder. As I reflected on who I was I realized I had been holding the burden of needing to be "perfect" which, of course, is unattainable.

I have left school so many days these past few weeks carrying the weight of feeling like a failure, feeling unworthy, not good enough and not doing enough in the classroom, someone who makes a thousand mistakes in a day. I wanted to be a "perfect" teacher and I just cannot be that. Not only did this feeling of "perfection" carry into the classroom, I realized it was also carrying into other aspects of my life as well. Seeping in the depths of my heart slowly. I needed to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, and I just cannot be those things.

That sweet Whisper spoke gently. He said so simply, "Break out of your box of perfection."

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." - Galatians 5:1

All of a sudden the weight was lifted. No longer am I to live in the box of perfection. I am enough. I do enough, I love enough, I try enough, and that is enough.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 
- 2Corinthians12:9

I feel a new excitement for walking in my classroom, which is something I have been praying for. If I am honest I have been dreading walking in the school building for weeks.

I feel a deeper love for my little friends. Tears come to my eyes when I think of their sweet faces, each one needing to see more of Jesus.

I feel purpose and I feel imperfect and it feels enough.

He has set me free from a burden that has been slowly bearing weight on my shoulders for years. He is King of my heart. He calls me daughter and He calls me "wonderfully made". He calls me enough.

Father, thank you. Thank you for knowing just what I need, when I need it. Thank you for trading my imperfections with your perfect love and perfect grace. I love you. I need you. Help me to seek Your Kingdom above all else as I walk through my days. 

Amen.

Better than you found them.

Jesus, let this be a prayer of my heart. Amen.

The past few weeks I have been reminded of a lesson I thought I had learned years ago. 

I am not in control. I cannot do life by myself. I am not a miracle worker. Only God can do those things and I am not God.

Such a simple truth, yet, life becomes busy and my flesh gets the best of me. These past few weeks I would wake, dragging my feet, feeling the burden of the school day. Lessons to teach, assessments to give, phone calls to parents to make, and little people to greet with a smile at 8:15 am. Some days I feel like school is a three-ring circus, other days I feel like it's a boxing match and I am the punching bad. Yet, I have to remember those precious smiles, sweet hugs, and "Goodbye, Ms. Teddy! Have a great afternoon!" 

It comes down to trust. When I try to do life by myself, ultimately, I am not trusting that the God of the Universe can handle my day-to-day stresses. He's the God of the Universe and He could choose to literally move a mountain or turn water to wine. Clearly He can handle an unruly 6 year old and a teacher who is in need of daily grace. He's got it. All I have to do is trust. All I have to do is call out a simple prayer to hand it over, "Jesus, I need help." 

There is power in the Name of Jesus. 

It's in that moment that the burden has been handed over and trust has been increased. 

Jesus, I need help. Everyday I need You. Let Your Face be radiant upon mine so those little people see only the love that You embody. 

Amen.