Me, Me, Me.

It's so easy to focus on the aspects of a job that irritate you, frustrate you, make you want to quit. If I said I was consistently positive, uplifting, and content with every aspect of my career, I'd be lying. I try to focus on the good and then something else is brought to the forefront of my mind and I feel the irritation begin to set in. All of a sudden my mind is brought to a tail spin filled with negative feelings and I want to quit right then and there. Iv'e found a theme to these thoughts and it starts and ends with the words "me" or "I". I feel irritated because it's not what I would have done or the way I think it should be. My thoughts are focused on what would make me feel a little more comfortable or satisfied. I've been reminded of my selfishness and conceit. This was not the example Jesus laid out for me.

"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

'He committed no sin and no deceit was found in his mouth.'

When they hurled insults at him, he did not retaliate, when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he (kept) entrusting himself to him who judges justly."

1Peter2:21-23

Jesus knew no sin and committed no sin. He loved the unlovable. He enjoyed company with the outcast, burdened, and downtrodden. He spoke edifying words of life. He consistently entrusted himself to God His Father. He set out most of His time to be with His Father in prayer and solitude. He did nothing out of vain conceit yet considered others better than Himself. He healed the brokenhearted and spoke with authority. 

This. This is my example. 

Jesus consistently reminds me that I can do nothing without Him because I, at my core, am selfish. At my core, I want what's best for me. Jesus reminds me that without Him moving and speaking through Me, my life has no meaning. Jesus reminds me that He loves me so much that He died for me and trusted me to be a vessel for Him to dwell. Jesus reminds me that I have the honor and responsibility to be an example of Him daily - at work, at home, in the grocery, at the gym. Jesus not only reminds me of these things but also gives me the strength to love beyond my capability and let Him be the judge in all situations. 

I know Him and I have a responsibility to be His example.

Jesus, help me. Forgive me for the poor example I can be and thank you for calling my name as You were nailed to the cross. I am forever grateful. Amen.

The Father's Heart

What a beautiful whirlwind this past summer and beginning of fall has been. Lots of things have happened. Summer trips and lazy summer days, having a boy that I love drop down on one knee, and a new start to the school year. This has been an unforgettable season of life, full of joy and learning.

Through it all, I've been learning about the Father's heart for His people. He loves us with abounding love. He loves us so much that He would map out every detail of our lives for our good and for His glory. While there are trials and hard seasons, it develops perseverance and character, all for His glory. God is love. I'm learning those simple three words now more than ever.

Being engaged has taught me more than I could ever explain. I've been convicted of selfishness and pride and am learning to walk in humility and undeserved grace. God has shown his love through remarkable ways - details of Daniel and I's relationship - knitting our hearts together to become one. He says, "...the one who trusts will never be dismayed." (Isaiah 28:16) He has sewn together a love story between Daniel and I that I never could have imagined on my own. My prayers have been more than fulfilled in this sweet man of God that will soon be my husband. I have not been dismayed.

"...so in Christ all will be made alive." 1Corinthians 15:22

While big life changes are about to happen and starting a new school year has been crazy, it has been easy for me to feel overwhelmed rather than rest in God's presence, to be still and know that He is God. The world tells you and the enemy absolutely wants you to start feeling this way, to doubt the Lord's goodness and providence in your life. I've been learning discipline, to submit my thoughts to the One who has made me new and alive. He reminds me, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1Peter 2:9 

Father, forgive me for my arrogance. Teach me humility, teach me to think of others before myself. Thank you for this crazy beautiful season of life. I pray my heart would be still before You. Teach me discipline and continue to press Your Word upon my heart. You are Love. Thank you for showing me Your Love in sweetest ways. Amen.

Take A Stand.

I have had so many thoughts since the last time I wrote. Lots of jumbled up, truth bearing, uncomfortable thoughts. These past few months at school have taught me a lot about myself as well as who the Lord calls us to be as believers. I tend to sit back and be a bystander. This is the opposite of how we are called to live.

If we are truly walking the walk and talking the talk - living out the Word of God - then everyday we will face some sort of contradiction, push back, or discomfort. It's to be expected. 

Paul says clearly, "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived." (2Timothy3)

..and again, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

(Romans5)

Paul reminds us that we should take delight in suffering, push-back, and discomfort. We take delight because it is then that we are truly being obedient, we are truly standing firm in what we know as Truth, and we are truly living as God's sons and daughters. Easy? Absolutely not.

He calls us to absolute surrender which leads to absolute obedience. 

If the Truth is within us we cannot stand for actions, thoughts, and desires of the world. This is what I've been learning day after day at school. I will not stand for obeying what the world says is "easy" or "comfortable" - I will stand firm in the Word of God and I will persevere through the discomfort. 

I'll take a stand for the One who took a stand for me. He embodies all I will ever need and He, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, sent His one and only Son to save both you and I.

So again, I'll take a stand for the One who took a stand for me.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Snow Day Thoughts.

What a glorious morning.

As a little girl snow days consisted of waking up early, putting on every bit of clothing known to man, and sledding down our neighbors massive hill until our pants were wet and fingers were frozen. Sleep did not happen because the excitement of waking up to a winter wonderland was too much to bear.

As a teacher snow days are a gift from God. Sleep is restful because you know you have the entire next day to yourself. Your mind is at ease because you know you won't be needed every second of the day. The pressures of performing well go out the window and all that's left to do is sit with a cup of coffee and gaze out the snow-falling window. Glory.

For me, last week marked the worst week of the 2013-2014 school year. It was a week filled with kicked chairs, pushed tables, and first grade fits of exhausting behavior from a special friend. While the week was horrendous, I was reminded of a powerful truth that will forever be at the forefront of my mind.

When you work so hard each day to be successful and do not see immediate results, it's easy and dangerous to begin to trade your identity in Christ for your identity in your profession. I realized early on last week I was beginning to do this. I put so much pressure on myself to perform well in the classroom, to "fix" every unacceptable behavior, and when this does not happen immediately, my mind transfers this as, "You aren't good enough. You aren't made to be a teacher. Why is this your profession? How could you think you could make an impact on this child?"

Lies. To the one whose name goes unnamed - you are absolutely not welcome to come creep in on my heart. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)

My profession, as an educator, is absolutely not my identity. Yes, I am a teacher, however that is a small portion of who I am. I am also a roommate, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and a girlfriend. Most importantly, I am a child of GOD.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1John 3:1)

Therefore, when the hour, day, week, month, becomes draining I will cling to the Truth from the One who has overcome the world.

"...you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one." 

(1John 2:14)

Abba Father. Thank you for weeks that are terrible. It is in moments such as these where You are so quick to remind us of Your Truth, Your Love, and Your favor. Thank you. Thank you for calling me Yours. I will take up my cross and follow You forward.

Amen.

To HIM.

To: HIM
From: A selfish heart

Father, thank you. Thank you for the strength You've given me to wake up each morning with an expectant, patient heart. I was not excited to return back to school after Christmas break and You knew that. You knew that and carried me.

It's Thursday and I'm sleepy and ready for Friday. Tonight I lay here on my bed with tears in my eyes realizing the depth of my selfishness. And Father I ask for forgiveness. I actually dreaded returning to school and as I reflect on why I find only selfish reasons. It's hard work to plan 8 hours of 20 little people's lives, getting up early when it's 10 degrees outside isn't my first choice as part of a wake-up routine, and patience with various children's home lives is hard to attain on my own.

I pray these selfish reasons would somehow shift and become reasons why I am expectant to return to school each day. I pray I would daily take up my cross and follow You. I pray my heart would be filled with Your love and that out of Your fullness You would overflow onto each person I come in contact with at school. For Yours is the Kingdom, the power, the glory, forever.

Forgive me for thinking this life is about pleasing me. This life is about You. This life is about making sure every soul has the opportunity to meet You, fall in Love with You, and follow You. Thank you for choosing me, my selfish heart and all.

Love,
A forgiven heart

Little Love Notes

It's notes like these that remind me why I do what I do...

Precious Moments.

Little faces. Sweet smiles. Unique laughs. Lightbulbs going off. Excitement for reading. New passions for math. A God that reigns over all things.

These are the aspects of teaching that I have to cling to, otherwise, honestly I would just lose hope.

Teaching in a school where substitutes avoid and parental involvement is scarce is without a doubt hard work. When you focus on the aspects that are difficult, it does not seem like you're making a difference. However, when those little faces light up and topics you have been teaching finally seem to make sense in those little brains, it all becomes worthwhile.

I may not be able to change 60 lives, 100 lives, or 200 lives. However, I can greet each student with a genuine smile and a tight hug. They may not have received either of those simple gestures as they walked out the door to come to school from their home, hotel room, Grandma's house, or foster parent's house. A simple smile and greeting. I can do that.

Or, speak words of love and life to a student who randomly walks up to me during a math lesson and gives me a hug with sweet, endearing brown eyes. He looks up and says, "I love you". I will absolutely say, "I love you" back, because I do. I love those little people and I pray daily my heart would be broken and wrecked for them. I pray my heart would increase with love, patience, kindness, and understanding, because they are 5, 6, and 7 years old and need grace and a gentle, loving touch. Lord, would you use me?

Or, to the student who immediately comes up to hold my hands, and is absolutely enamored, during recess. Maybe I choose to hold her hands a little extra longer and say a quiet prayer over her? She walks with a quiet, sweet spirit in small, torn black and red shoes, her coat dirty and starting to wear. Her braids were coming undone but now, since it was her birthday, she wears tight braids and colorful clips in her hair. She is beautiful. So, yes, I can hold her sweet hands a little longer.

They say students who need the most love ask for it in the most unloving ways. While this school is a place some people avoid, I will choose to love with all of my being. I will choose to walk through the doors knowing the Lord has great plans for each student. I will choose to teach meaningfully, smile, hug, and speak words of love. I will choose to dismiss the negative aspects and focus on the positive.

Little faces, sweet smiles, unique laughs.

These are the aspects of teaching that I have to cling to.

Lord, I love you. Use me as you wish in a place that is difficult. Give me new patience, understanding, and wisdom as I walk through those school doors tomorrow. This life is not my own, to You I belong. Thank you for making me new, for calling me worthy, for giving me grace. Help me to extend the grace I've been given to those around me.

Amen.

Box of Perfection

Well, what a whirlwind the past few weeks have been. My mind has been jumping and swirling in thousands of directions it seems. From principal observations, to report cards, to parent teacher conferences, to lesson plans, to new ideas that need to be implemented in my classroom, to just living life. Whirlwind.

Yesterday I felt a new sense of freedom and release from this crazy life whirlwind. I, along with many other women, were blessed to have a "retreat day" focused solely on resting and praying at the feet of Jesus all day.

Gosh, it was needed.

There were many focused prayer stations on topics like identity and freedom. Throughout the afternoon I heard a Whisper that became louder and louder. As I reflected on who I was I realized I had been holding the burden of needing to be "perfect" which, of course, is unattainable.

I have left school so many days these past few weeks carrying the weight of feeling like a failure, feeling unworthy, not good enough and not doing enough in the classroom, someone who makes a thousand mistakes in a day. I wanted to be a "perfect" teacher and I just cannot be that. Not only did this feeling of "perfection" carry into the classroom, I realized it was also carrying into other aspects of my life as well. Seeping in the depths of my heart slowly. I needed to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, and I just cannot be those things.

That sweet Whisper spoke gently. He said so simply, "Break out of your box of perfection."

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." - Galatians 5:1

All of a sudden the weight was lifted. No longer am I to live in the box of perfection. I am enough. I do enough, I love enough, I try enough, and that is enough.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 
- 2Corinthians12:9

I feel a new excitement for walking in my classroom, which is something I have been praying for. If I am honest I have been dreading walking in the school building for weeks.

I feel a deeper love for my little friends. Tears come to my eyes when I think of their sweet faces, each one needing to see more of Jesus.

I feel purpose and I feel imperfect and it feels enough.

He has set me free from a burden that has been slowly bearing weight on my shoulders for years. He is King of my heart. He calls me daughter and He calls me "wonderfully made". He calls me enough.

Father, thank you. Thank you for knowing just what I need, when I need it. Thank you for trading my imperfections with your perfect love and perfect grace. I love you. I need you. Help me to seek Your Kingdom above all else as I walk through my days. 

Amen.

Better than you found them.

Jesus, let this be a prayer of my heart. Amen.

The past few weeks I have been reminded of a lesson I thought I had learned years ago. 

I am not in control. I cannot do life by myself. I am not a miracle worker. Only God can do those things and I am not God.

Such a simple truth, yet, life becomes busy and my flesh gets the best of me. These past few weeks I would wake, dragging my feet, feeling the burden of the school day. Lessons to teach, assessments to give, phone calls to parents to make, and little people to greet with a smile at 8:15 am. Some days I feel like school is a three-ring circus, other days I feel like it's a boxing match and I am the punching bad. Yet, I have to remember those precious smiles, sweet hugs, and "Goodbye, Ms. Teddy! Have a great afternoon!" 

It comes down to trust. When I try to do life by myself, ultimately, I am not trusting that the God of the Universe can handle my day-to-day stresses. He's the God of the Universe and He could choose to literally move a mountain or turn water to wine. Clearly He can handle an unruly 6 year old and a teacher who is in need of daily grace. He's got it. All I have to do is trust. All I have to do is call out a simple prayer to hand it over, "Jesus, I need help." 

There is power in the Name of Jesus. 

It's in that moment that the burden has been handed over and trust has been increased. 

Jesus, I need help. Everyday I need You. Let Your Face be radiant upon mine so those little people see only the love that You embody. 

Amen.

Life as a teacher has begun. Summertime was easy, carefree, and relaxing. For me, the first week of school was the complete opposite. Hard, draining, and rapid paced. I am baffled at how quickly I forgot all that teaching entails. If I could sum up the past week in one word it would be heartbreaking. The heartbreak that comes with teaching so many little friends from hard, painful, different backgrounds is almost overwhelming.

These first few days of school have broken my heart in ways never felt before. To think on some of my little friend's life stories brings me to tears. Their lives are filled with broken families, hurt, rejection, malice, and an ultimate need for new life. They are only 5, 6, and 7 years old, yet they have stories of many 30 year olds. They cannot comprehend the life situations they are going through.

This week I found myself asking God why? Why are these innocent children having to go through these hard, life altering situations? Why? One night this week, laying in bed, I found myself weeping over this question. Father, I know You are good and You love Your people with a love that is matchless, so why have these things happened to these innocent babies, why? My mind felt burdened, stressed, and full of worry for these children. Later, I would recognize this feeling was a result of a lack of trust in God and a lack of handing over all of my emotions and feelings. All these terrible things are results of darkness, the fall of man. They are not of the Lord.

The next school day I woke, got to school, and immediately felt sick. Splitting headache, nauseous, cold and pale-faced, unable to focus, kind of sick. Thank goodness for a team who is the most loving and knows the perfect remedy to sickness - medicine and Sprite - they saved the day. Overall, the school day was great, yet my heart still felt burdened. Later that day, 1Peter 5:7 came to mind, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I was so quick to forget. So quick to forget that the God of the Universe sent His one and only to conquer death and take on the sin of the world. Therefore, I can cast all anxiety on Him. He cares for me. He knows the number of hairs atop my head. He formed me before I came to life. He cares and the emotions of this world are not meant for me to carry.

He cares for me and He cares for every other person on the face of the planet. He desires for His people to know Him, love Him, spend time with Him, and learn His word. He loves righteousness and hates wickedness (Hebrews 1:9). He hates wickedness. I can only imagine the deep sorrow God must feel as He looks down upon His people and sees the brokenness, hurt, and malice. I wept and had a splitting headache and felt sick to my stomach over one child. I cannot imagine the sorrow God feels over the billions of people feeling this same type of brokenness.

I hate the brokenness of the world. I hate it. People need to feel freedom. People need to know the God who has saved their life, who has brought forgiveness and grace, and who loves them like no other. They need to know.

Chains must be broken and the power in the name of Jesus must be spoken.

Last Friday, a couple of my little friends spoke freedom over our school without even knowing it. It was math time and at the beginning of the year a few minutes of the day is spent exploring different math manipulatives. A couple of our Kindergarten girls were working with pattern blocks and began singing a song. I'm walking around monitoring and all of a sudden one of the girls yells out (it was the 2nd day of Kindergarten and we're still working on raising our hands...) "Ms. Teddy, you know this song?!" The lyrics went as follows...

There is power in the name of Jesus

there is power in the name of Jesus

there is power in the name of Jesus 

to break every chain

break every chain

break every chain

I responded with a quick, "YES, I do know that song!" and definitely didn't stop them from singing. They sang with their sweet, soulful little voices and proclaimed freedom over our school. Freedom from darkness. "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ" (2Corinthians 4:6). 

There is power in the simple name of Jesus and I pray daily these dark chains and strongholds are broken over these sweet families and little friends. 

Amen. Let it be.

Thy Kingdom Come

Summer is slowly but surely passing by. While it has gone by fast, what a sweet summer it has been. I looked at a calendar a couple of days ago and was blown away when I noticed that this is my last full week of summer. My heart stopped a little bit when I realized I may need to start thinking about school again. I will miss summertime, but I can't help but feel real excited when I think about seeing both new and old little friends at school. 

Each school year has and will always be different but I will choose to believe the most positive things for the upcoming year. "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1Thessalonians5:16-18) Father, let this be a constant prayer of my heart not only for school but in all aspects of life. It is a choice to rejoice in having a job that embodies a new adventure every day, to pray His Kingdom comes and blessings are shown throughout school, and to be thankful for each and every day no matter the struggles or difficulties that may arise. This is God's will, this is what He wants. To open and change our worldly, selfish perspective, to one that is focused and centered on Christ Jesus. Let it be.

Recently, I have been watching testimonies of famous stars and athletes from the website, I Am Second. If you've never heard of the website, it rocks. The people in the films are real, raw, and purely surrendered to God. Each person tells their story on how they came to know and call on Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and ends with the statement, "...I am second." 

Three powerful words. I. Am. Second. 

When I think about those three words I think about the culture we live in as Americans. Our culture tells us and reiterates a mindset of success, control, money, and selfish pursuit, the "American dream". The "American Dream" says, "I am first"and it's all about me. It's all about being successful, working hard for my success, starting a family, making sure my children are successful, and then retiring in a nice, comfortable place. 

Yet, Kingdom living says, "I am second". Kingdom living says this...

"But seek his kingdom, and all these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

Luke 12:31-33

"But seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Matthew 6:33-34

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Mark 10:45

Kingdom living is more meaningful, more satisfying, more gratifying, than the "American Dream". It almost doesn't make sense. It seems upside down and counter-cultural because as Americans we are used to pursuing all things for "me, myself, and I". Yet, Kingdom living pursues all things for our Father in Heaven, Abba, God, Lord of Lords, and King of Kings. 

To seek first his kingdom means laying down our desires, our wants, our needs for His. Lord, what do YOU want me to do? How can I serve YOU today? This life is not my own, to YOU I belong. 

I. Am. Second.

You came to serve and give Your life as a ransom. Lord, let my life be a life of servanthood, a life of sharing Your Gospel with others, a life that is not about me. 

I. Am. Second.

Father, let these three words be a constant prayer of my heart as I begin a new school year. My life is YOURS. I ask for Your perspective, Your eyes, Your heart, as I walk into school each day this year. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Build me up as Your servant, laying down my life for Yours. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be down, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Amen.

Worship.

Two of my favorite things are worship and music. Worship is reverent honor and homage paid to God. To feel deep respect, gratefulness, and adoration in the God of the Universe, the God who chose you to be his son or daughter, this is worship. It is intimate, it is pure, and it is not meant to become a show for others. It is meant to be a sweet time with you and the King of Kings. It is meant to change your soul for the better. Throughout scripture, worship is defined as something joyful and adoring.

Nehemiah 9:5-6

"Stand up and praise the Lord your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting...Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the Lord. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you."

Daily I am humbled when I reflect on the thought that God has made the heavens and the earth yet still he chooses to be invested in me and all others on this planet, to pursue me, to call me by name, even when I am unfaithful. WHAT?! It doesn't make sense. Yet, this is love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

That is why I worship.

"All I Am" by Phil Wickham is a song with beautiful, prayerful lyrics. A song that is worshipful and heartfelt. 

"Take these hands, I know they're empty but with You they can be used for beauty in Your perfect plan, all I am is Yours"

Father, use my hands as You wish. Would you use them for giving rather than receiving, making ashes rise to beauty. Let them be hands of prayer, hugs, and a gentle touch to the poor and powerless. I don't have much to offer but all I am is Yours. Do as You wish, Jesus.

"Take these feet, I know they stumble but You use the weak, You use the humble so please use me, all I am is Yours"

Father, my feet are really good at stumbling. Let them become feet that carry the Gospel wherever I go, whether it's at the grocery store or across the world, let them always carry Your Story. I am incredibly weak, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2Corinthians12:9

"I give You all my life, I'm letting it go, A living sacrifice no longer my own, all I am is Yours, all I am is Yours"

Father, let my life be a living sacrifice. Let it not be full of selfish desires but let me seek Your Kingdom above all else (Matthew 6:33).

"Take this heart, set it on fire shine it in the dark, I wanna tell the world of who You are, all I am is Yours"

Lord, I do not want Your light to be hidden. Set this heart of mine on fire, blazing through darkness. You know my heart and desire for adventure. Take me wherever You want. Where You lead, I will follow. I ask for more confidence, fearlessness, and trust in You.

"...I give You everything, to You I belong, every beat of my heart the breath in my lungs, all I am is Yours, all I am is Yours...I lift my hands up, God I surrender, all that I am for Your glory, Your honor, Your faith, I lift my hands up, God I surrender to You..."

Father, I surrender to You. I surrender to You in the morning, throughout the day, and when I lay my head down at night. All I am is Yours.

Amen.

Jump then fall.

I learned a TON about trust yesterday...

...as I jumped from a plane 14,000 feet in the air!!

A good friend an I decided it would be an excellent idea to skydive just a few days prior to our jump. Impulsive, yes. Worth it, absolutely. The night before I could hardly sleep. In my heart I felt a mix of excitement (I have been dreaming of doing this for YEARS) and nerves. I picked up my friend (still not feeling like the day was real) and drove to Chester, SC, out in the sticks. I was feeling anxious, but in the best way. 

God is faithful in the smallest prayers, even prayers against storms. It was a beautiful day. Blue skies and fluffy clouds. The perfect day to jump out of a plane. 

We got to Skydive Carolina, checked in, watched a video about the possibility of dying and signing our lives away, put on our jumpsuits and harnesses, met our instructors (thanks Doug for saving my life!), and boarded the plane. It took us a total of 7 minutes, YES 7 minutes, to rise to 14,000 feet, above the clouds, where we would jump. Still feeling a little anxious, I looked out the window, and instantly prayed for peace (and lots of it). My instructor was the best and I made sure to tell him multiple times of how great he was because...he was in charge of my life. He calmly reminded me what to do once we got to the door of the plane, pushed me across the bench, counted 1...2...3....

And out the plane door we jumped.

And it was THE BEST!

There was no time to think, no time to go back in the plane. It was time to fall. However, it didn't feel like falling at all. It was more like flying and floating all at the same time. During the free fall I realized how much trust I put into my instructor. He was in charge of everything...making sure I was strapped in well to him, the parachute, and all the other details I didn't really care to know about. I couldn't do a single thing to control the situation, it was all in his hands. It felt hard to breathe a little bit because you are going so fast, but at the same time...who really cares if you can't breathe well...you are flying in the sky...and that is awesome. I did not feel the least bit anxious, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

Then, my instructor opened the parachute, we flew up a little, and all was quiet and still. We were floating with the clouds and I was able to take in the beauty of the day. Clear skies, green land, bodies of water...and it was during this time I decided I wanted to become a bird and fly everywhere. 

I took in the moment and related the adventure to our adventure with the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my God, my Father in Heaven. He is like the millions of skydive instructors in the world. He tells me what to do calmly, and I have to obey...because my life is in His Hands. He asks me to trust and sometimes I feel anxious but only in the best way. He asks me to fall and I fall in the shadow of His wings. He asks me to gaze upon His beauty, His creation, and I gaze in wonder and amazement. Following Him can be scary because many things are unknown, but He is faithful always and not one of His promises have ever been broken (Joshua 23:14). Life with Him is a thrill, an adventure. Sometimes it's hard to breathe in this journey, but then comes the quiet, the still, the peace. I have learned that I love to be in control, I think that's part of human nature, but I have also learned that I don't want to be in control. Life with Him is like skydiving, and it's beautiful. I am not in control, no matter how much I try. I surrender and He makes sure I'm strapped in real tight to Him.

Thank you Jesus for such a sweet adventure. You are my love, my desire, and I yield my heart to You when I desire control. Your love is better than life and I will praise Your name. Thank you for your faithfulness, Your grace, Your mercy. Thank you for calling me Yours and pursuing me wildly, fervently, and constantly. 

Amen. 

The livin's easy.

I have two words to say.

Summer. Rocks.

I love all things involving the summer. Such as, but not limited to...time at the pool, reading books, reading books AT the pool, hot weather, lazy mornings with coffee, and watching Disney movies as I babysit.

Tonight I persuaded the kids to watch the movie Up purely for selfish reasons (whoops). Tears well up in my eyes almost every time I watch this movie and tonight was no exception. I love the sweet little man and his sweet little wife. They love each other with a love that is unending and pure. I also love Russell, the boyscout who kills me every time I see his picture. Try to look at the picture below without laughing or smiling. You can't.

Russell is all boy and determined to get that last badge on his scout uniform. He is hilarious and carefree and tonight he reminded me of my little people from school.

The more I thought about those little people, the more I missed them. I have enjoyed the peaceful, carefree atmosphere of summer yet I found myself wondering what our students were doing and if they were also enjoying their summer. 

A couple of our students mentioned not wanting to have summer break because they would have nothing to do. Many families travel during the summer or visit family. I knew this probably wouldn't be the case for many of my friends. Many of their parents, if they live with both mom and dad, are working and just trying to make ends meet. So, for them, summer meant staying at home because their parents or guardians are at work. Are they having fun? Are they getting the positive attention they need at ages 5, 6, and 7? 

I wish I could scoop them up and take them all to the beach. I wish I could squeeze them and tell them I miss them. I hope they are enjoying summer as a 5, 6, and 7 year old should and aren't being forced to live grown up lives. I hope they know their teachers love them, care for them, and miss them. Most of all, I hope they come to know a Man who gave the greatest gift there ever was to give. I hope they learn to call on His Name, to praise Him, and to give their lives to the One who gave His life to them. 

Father, thank you for my students. I pray their summers are filled with joy, rest, and fun. Ultimately, I pray they come to know You as their Father in Heaven. Use us, as teachers, to spread Your fragrance on Your beloved children. Thank you that You are sovereign, compassionate, and faithful. 

Bring Your children home to You.

Amen.

Set a Fire.

"Set a fire, down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of You, God..."

This lyric starts one of my favorite songs and a lyric that has become a recent prayer. Deuteronomy 4:24 says, "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." In context, the verse is in the midst of a passage talking about how idolatry among the Israelites, and us as believers, is forbidden. God is a jealous God. "He asks us to treat only Him - and no one else in all the universe - as God." (NIV footnote) The footnote goes on to talk about the negative connotation with the word "jealous". However, with God, "jealous" has a great connotation. He wants us to be devoted to Him, serving and loving only Him, because it is in this kind of devotion where "those who lose their life for Me will find it" (Matthew 16:25). I want this kind of life. A life completely abandoned to the One who calls me by name and pursues me daily.

This is where the song comes in. "Set a fire, down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of You, God..." A fire is consuming, burning, and uncontrolled. God, who is the epitome of love and all things good, wants to take up residence in our heart and become an uncontrolled fire down in our souls. Why? He wants His people to become head over heels, madly in love, with Him. This kind of love wells up from Your soul and can't help but become poured out onto others. Who doesn't want this kind of Love? Each of our souls thirst for this kind of Love. 

So Father, let this continue to be a prayer of my heart. Would you set a fire, down in my soul, that I can't contain or control? Father, I want to see more of who You are, more of Your character. Help me to  daily lay down my life for Your sake. Thank you that You are full of grace, mercy, and uncontrollable love. 

Amen.

Carpet Prayers

As a teacher, and for all teachers out there, I feel like I should start this post with...

WE HAVE TWO DAYS LEFT OF SCHOOL UNTIL SUMMERTIME!!!!

Hal-lel-u-jah!!

Two days left of my second year as a teacher. Seems like yesterday I was trudging through the snow and 500 mile winds up at Appalachian State. Time flies.

Anyways, like any teacher during this time of year, our school days have been filled with lots of excited little bodies, non-rule followers, extra recess, and movies galore. Yesterday we spent quite a bit of time outside, came in, and sat on the carpet to watch Reading Rainbow ("Butterflies in the sky, I can fly twice as high..." I know the whole theme song now.). They were actin' a tad bit outta hand so I decided we all just needed a few minutes spent with our eyes closed. You know, time to ourselves where we could all get our bodies under control.

As I look around at my little friends I see most eyes closed, a few eyes peeking to make sure they weren't the only ones with their eyes closed, and then one little friend with his hands clasped like he is in prayer. And what do ya know, homeboy starts to pray and I almost start to cry.

Dear God,
Thank you for school. Help me to have good behavior. Help me with reading and math.
Amen.

The kids sitting around him start whispering and one of my girls pipes up because she is clearly trying to go along with the prayer. "Shhhh, he's praying!" Next thing I know, half the class has their eyes closed and hands clasped in prayer in agreement with him.

And there I was, sitting at the front of my classroom, looking at this little friend praying to the God of the Universe. I will be honest, half of my heart started getting nervous and my eyes wondered to the classroom door hoping no one super important would walk in. Then my heart felt at ease and I was reminded that He IS the God of the Universe, a God that cannot and will not be stopped. Not only is His name I AM, but He hears the prayers of all people and He desires the type of childlike faith of this particular friend. All this little person was asked to do was to take a minute to close his eyes and the first thing he knew to do was to pray. Props to his parents for teaching about the most important relationship that ever has and ever will exist.

I saw a glimpse of what community should look like. Friends, peace, and childlike prayers.

This moment reminds me that my prayers, as simple and sometimes ridiculous as they may be, are always heard. Not only are my prayers heard but the entire planet's prayers are heard. He created each heartbeat according to His will. And that's purpose.

Father thank you for such a sweet moment. Thank you for this student with faith at the age of 5. I ask for this type of childlike faith and to focus on Your character when my mind feels unrest. You are God, I am not. Let me not fill the spaces of my heart with things I can do. Let this always be Your job to carry out, to fill my heart with all that You are. Help me release my desire for control, letting loose the reigns like a child relies on his parent. 

Amen.

Rest.

I don't really remember driving to school this morning (sorry Mama...). My brain felt foggy, eyes felt heavy, and coffee wasn't working. Exhaustion. It's not like I went on crazy adventures this past weekend, which would have made for a better story, but I have come to the conclusion that my body just needs rest. Pure, simple, rest. The sleep kind of rest and the spiritual kind of rest.

To rest at the feet of Jesus. This is what I need, this is what I have, with discipline, daily. Resting at the feet of Jesus produces peace and hope. A peace coming from the Holy Spirit and hope coming from His Word. When you rest all things fade away for a moment. Your body slows down (literally) and your mind is quieted and rejuvenated. Rest.

As I rest in Jesus I see a picture of hands letting go of reigns, the weight of the world lifted, and chains broken. It's not about me when I rest in Jesus. Nor will it ever be. I am but a backstage worker in His show.

As I rest in Jesus my fears are traded with confidence, unrest is traded with peace, and my heart is filled with a Love that overflows. As I rest in Jesus I don't have to worry about what's ahead and don't have to worry about if I am fulfilling the calling He has on my life. I don't have to worry because He says, "I AM". The Maker of Heaven and Earth, I AM.

As I rest in Jesus I find Divine purpose and a desire to want to do what He says to do daily. Yet, sometimes I find myself feeling overwhelmed. It's daunting to know the many different directions I could be led, yet not know a single one of them yet. What's my calling? What happens next? Lord, is this Your will? These questions are daunting.

I read an article this afternoon that correlates perfectly with these overwhelming thoughts.

"It takes an extraordinary amount of discipline and maturity to live in today, walking step by step doing whatever I'm supposed to do today. It takes discipline to say "I don't know." It takes faith to trust in one-day-at-a-time. It requires me to lay down my desperate, freakish desire for control and trust He is at work.

He knows the reason I was made. If I walk in step with Him every day I will walk into the reason. Maybe I'm here for something big and meaningful, or maybe I'm supposed to pick up rocks so the tractors don't break.

My "calling" is every day." (Relevant Magazine)

Lord, help me to live my calling every single day, to be present, and to share Your Name every chance You provide. Help me walk in step with You. Thank you for calling me Yours.

Amen.

Psalm 89:15-17

When I think about this past week at school a few words come to mind: testing, cabin fever, weird schedule, changes, and discomfort. Sums up the week perfectly. It was another week and I will choose to be grateful for the circumstances. Looking back, I cannot say I was grateful during the circumstances, but I am a mere human and that is okay. His mercies are new each morning and I am a constant student of His patience, love, and grace. Now, that it's Saturday, I will choose to be grateful. Grateful for moments of impatience because the Lord has been incredibly patient with me. Grateful for moments of change because it results in producing perseverance, character, and hope. Grateful. Grateful for time with Jesus and time for learning. 

It's so funny, and perfect, how the Lord places key verses on your heart. Key verses that perfectly match up with your circumstances. Psalm 89:15 ran through my mind multiple times this week.

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord. They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. For you are their glory and strength, and by your favor you exalt our horn."

Psalm 89:15-17

It's a learning process...

To acclaim means to shout or praise. The psalmist says, "Blessed are those who have LEARNED to acclaim you..." Just like learning how to tie your shoes. You don't just know how to tie your shoes, you learn. It's a process. It's a process to learn to acclaim Him. The Lord gives different circumstances in your life to help you acclaim Him. The psalmist also says "they rejoice in your name all day long; they exult (leap for joy) in your righteousness." You learn to rejoice in His name all day long. It's a process. So many times I find myself getting wrapped up in selfish desires...my needs, my wants. Yet this is not Kingdom living. Kingdom living includes daily dying to self, daily putting on the armor of God, daily acclaiming Him, daily rejoicing in His righteousness. 

Why rejoice in His Name all day long? Nine words. 

"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

Let those nine words rock your world. It has rocked mine. 

When I meditate on those nine words I find myself feeling incredibly humbled, awestruck, unworthy, accepted, free, and hopeful. Those words are life. Those words are love.

Father, thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. Daily, let me sit at Your throne and be amazed. You are love, You are forgiveness, and You are power. Help me learn to acclaim You, walk in Your splendid light, and exult in Your righteousness all day long. You have won me. 

Amen.

Reminisce

I had a moment of frustration today. Well...maybe many moments. It is towards the end of the year and of course the buzz word around any school this time of year is "assessment". Often this word buzzes in teacher's ears so loudly and so obnoxiously (or maybe it's just me). Yet, it is part of teaching and it can help to measure student's growth.

I drove home today feeling tired of testing and feeling like student's shouldn't be marked by a test score. I felt discouraged because some of my little friends did not perform as I had hoped. I felt defeated because I try my best daily and work my hardest. Now, sure, I could always work a little harder, but there are days where I am just plain worn out. So Lord, I ask for more of your strength and patience as I go to school tomorrow. Yet, still these kids are put in a box with a big piece of masking tape all around it labeled with their end of year test score. This is my rant on testing - now I am done. 

Anyways...as I was driving home I found myself thinking about my little Kenyan friend who wore a sparkly, satin, torn, blue dress and broken, pink, glittery sandals. I held her on my hip for quite a while that day last summer. She was beautiful with her sweet little face and big brown eyes. Her smile was radiant. I asked her name at least five different times but never could quite make it out with her thick African accent. She created multiple braids in my hair and never ceased to stop singing her song. Her song was loud, clear, and repetitive. It went a little something like this..."Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, again I say rejoice!" We sang this line together multiple times, over and over and over again. Our languages were different but our spirit's in sync.

This little one speaks a truth worthy to be spoken at school, at home, around town, constantly. To "rejoice in the Lord always" means to be glad, grateful, and jubilant in all circumstances...even during testing at school. Why? Rejoice because you are free. Rejoice because you are forgiven. Rejoice because you are worthy. Rejoice because you are loved with a relentless love. Rejoice because of His mercy. Rejoice because of His grace. Rejoice because He is living and active and dwells within us. Rejoice because when we knock we will find. Rejoice because He is with us always even til the end of the age. Rejoice in the Lord always. 

Father God. Would you please shift my perspective? Shift my perspective to see with Your eyes, love with Your heart, and rejoice in all circumstances. You sent Your Son to die a murderer's death for me and that is enough for me to rejoice. That will always be enough. 

Amen.

Did you know my favorite color is green?

Goodness gracious. Little people will wear the heck out you. They need constant direction, explanation, grace, and forgiveness, all bound in love. But don't we all? Lord knows I sure do. I would be runnin' around like a chicken with its' head cut off without the steadfast, guiding hand of God.

I have a few friends that wear me out daily.

One little friend in-particular, wears me out when he absolutely will not play a math game because he is not using his favorite color dice, which is green.

Or when he will not cut out shapes on his paper because he is not using his favorite colored scissors, which are green.

Or when he has to move his clip from "Green" (it's his favorite color) to "Yellow" (warning) because he has made a poor choice. Now, not only is he in trouble (arms crossed, angry face looking to the ground, stomping feet) but his clip is now hanging out on yellow rather than his favorite color, which is green.

"Ms. Teddy, did you know my favorite color is green?" I get this question almost every week.

The kid loves the color green. He has green shoelaces, loves Mario and Luigi (mostly Luigi because, of course, he's green), and pretty much any living or lifeless being that is green.

I will give it to the kid, he's got some downright passion for the color green. 

All I got to say is this: I'm tryin' to have this kind of passion for my Loving, Compassionate, Perfect Savior. My little friend wants the world to know his love for green. I want the world to know, His people to know, this Love that has been freely given. This Love that surpasses all understanding. This Love that is steadfast and constant.

Father God rock my world daily. Bring me to my knees each morning and night, humbled at Your feet, so I could go and bring this kind of passion to Your people. 

Amen.