Life as a teacher has begun. Summertime was easy, carefree, and relaxing. For me, the first week of school was the complete opposite. Hard, draining, and rapid paced. I am baffled at how quickly I forgot all that teaching entails. If I could sum up the past week in one word it would be heartbreaking. The heartbreak that comes with teaching so many little friends from hard, painful, different backgrounds is almost overwhelming.

These first few days of school have broken my heart in ways never felt before. To think on some of my little friend's life stories brings me to tears. Their lives are filled with broken families, hurt, rejection, malice, and an ultimate need for new life. They are only 5, 6, and 7 years old, yet they have stories of many 30 year olds. They cannot comprehend the life situations they are going through.

This week I found myself asking God why? Why are these innocent children having to go through these hard, life altering situations? Why? One night this week, laying in bed, I found myself weeping over this question. Father, I know You are good and You love Your people with a love that is matchless, so why have these things happened to these innocent babies, why? My mind felt burdened, stressed, and full of worry for these children. Later, I would recognize this feeling was a result of a lack of trust in God and a lack of handing over all of my emotions and feelings. All these terrible things are results of darkness, the fall of man. They are not of the Lord.

The next school day I woke, got to school, and immediately felt sick. Splitting headache, nauseous, cold and pale-faced, unable to focus, kind of sick. Thank goodness for a team who is the most loving and knows the perfect remedy to sickness - medicine and Sprite - they saved the day. Overall, the school day was great, yet my heart still felt burdened. Later that day, 1Peter 5:7 came to mind, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." I was so quick to forget. So quick to forget that the God of the Universe sent His one and only to conquer death and take on the sin of the world. Therefore, I can cast all anxiety on Him. He cares for me. He knows the number of hairs atop my head. He formed me before I came to life. He cares and the emotions of this world are not meant for me to carry.

He cares for me and He cares for every other person on the face of the planet. He desires for His people to know Him, love Him, spend time with Him, and learn His word. He loves righteousness and hates wickedness (Hebrews 1:9). He hates wickedness. I can only imagine the deep sorrow God must feel as He looks down upon His people and sees the brokenness, hurt, and malice. I wept and had a splitting headache and felt sick to my stomach over one child. I cannot imagine the sorrow God feels over the billions of people feeling this same type of brokenness.

I hate the brokenness of the world. I hate it. People need to feel freedom. People need to know the God who has saved their life, who has brought forgiveness and grace, and who loves them like no other. They need to know.

Chains must be broken and the power in the name of Jesus must be spoken.

Last Friday, a couple of my little friends spoke freedom over our school without even knowing it. It was math time and at the beginning of the year a few minutes of the day is spent exploring different math manipulatives. A couple of our Kindergarten girls were working with pattern blocks and began singing a song. I'm walking around monitoring and all of a sudden one of the girls yells out (it was the 2nd day of Kindergarten and we're still working on raising our hands...) "Ms. Teddy, you know this song?!" The lyrics went as follows...

There is power in the name of Jesus

there is power in the name of Jesus

there is power in the name of Jesus 

to break every chain

break every chain

break every chain

I responded with a quick, "YES, I do know that song!" and definitely didn't stop them from singing. They sang with their sweet, soulful little voices and proclaimed freedom over our school. Freedom from darkness. "For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ" (2Corinthians 4:6). 

There is power in the simple name of Jesus and I pray daily these dark chains and strongholds are broken over these sweet families and little friends. 

Amen. Let it be.

Thy Kingdom Come

Summer is slowly but surely passing by. While it has gone by fast, what a sweet summer it has been. I looked at a calendar a couple of days ago and was blown away when I noticed that this is my last full week of summer. My heart stopped a little bit when I realized I may need to start thinking about school again. I will miss summertime, but I can't help but feel real excited when I think about seeing both new and old little friends at school. 

Each school year has and will always be different but I will choose to believe the most positive things for the upcoming year. "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1Thessalonians5:16-18) Father, let this be a constant prayer of my heart not only for school but in all aspects of life. It is a choice to rejoice in having a job that embodies a new adventure every day, to pray His Kingdom comes and blessings are shown throughout school, and to be thankful for each and every day no matter the struggles or difficulties that may arise. This is God's will, this is what He wants. To open and change our worldly, selfish perspective, to one that is focused and centered on Christ Jesus. Let it be.

Recently, I have been watching testimonies of famous stars and athletes from the website, I Am Second. If you've never heard of the website, it rocks. The people in the films are real, raw, and purely surrendered to God. Each person tells their story on how they came to know and call on Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and ends with the statement, "...I am second." 

Three powerful words. I. Am. Second. 

When I think about those three words I think about the culture we live in as Americans. Our culture tells us and reiterates a mindset of success, control, money, and selfish pursuit, the "American dream". The "American Dream" says, "I am first"and it's all about me. It's all about being successful, working hard for my success, starting a family, making sure my children are successful, and then retiring in a nice, comfortable place. 

Yet, Kingdom living says, "I am second". Kingdom living says this...

"But seek his kingdom, and all these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

Luke 12:31-33

"But seek first his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Matthew 6:33-34

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Mark 10:45

Kingdom living is more meaningful, more satisfying, more gratifying, than the "American Dream". It almost doesn't make sense. It seems upside down and counter-cultural because as Americans we are used to pursuing all things for "me, myself, and I". Yet, Kingdom living pursues all things for our Father in Heaven, Abba, God, Lord of Lords, and King of Kings. 

To seek first his kingdom means laying down our desires, our wants, our needs for His. Lord, what do YOU want me to do? How can I serve YOU today? This life is not my own, to YOU I belong. 

I. Am. Second.

You came to serve and give Your life as a ransom. Lord, let my life be a life of servanthood, a life of sharing Your Gospel with others, a life that is not about me. 

I. Am. Second.

Father, let these three words be a constant prayer of my heart as I begin a new school year. My life is YOURS. I ask for Your perspective, Your eyes, Your heart, as I walk into school each day this year. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Build me up as Your servant, laying down my life for Yours. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be down, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Amen.

Worship.

Two of my favorite things are worship and music. Worship is reverent honor and homage paid to God. To feel deep respect, gratefulness, and adoration in the God of the Universe, the God who chose you to be his son or daughter, this is worship. It is intimate, it is pure, and it is not meant to become a show for others. It is meant to be a sweet time with you and the King of Kings. It is meant to change your soul for the better. Throughout scripture, worship is defined as something joyful and adoring.

Nehemiah 9:5-6

"Stand up and praise the Lord your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting...Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the Lord. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you."

Daily I am humbled when I reflect on the thought that God has made the heavens and the earth yet still he chooses to be invested in me and all others on this planet, to pursue me, to call me by name, even when I am unfaithful. WHAT?! It doesn't make sense. Yet, this is love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

That is why I worship.

"All I Am" by Phil Wickham is a song with beautiful, prayerful lyrics. A song that is worshipful and heartfelt. 

"Take these hands, I know they're empty but with You they can be used for beauty in Your perfect plan, all I am is Yours"

Father, use my hands as You wish. Would you use them for giving rather than receiving, making ashes rise to beauty. Let them be hands of prayer, hugs, and a gentle touch to the poor and powerless. I don't have much to offer but all I am is Yours. Do as You wish, Jesus.

"Take these feet, I know they stumble but You use the weak, You use the humble so please use me, all I am is Yours"

Father, my feet are really good at stumbling. Let them become feet that carry the Gospel wherever I go, whether it's at the grocery store or across the world, let them always carry Your Story. I am incredibly weak, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2Corinthians12:9

"I give You all my life, I'm letting it go, A living sacrifice no longer my own, all I am is Yours, all I am is Yours"

Father, let my life be a living sacrifice. Let it not be full of selfish desires but let me seek Your Kingdom above all else (Matthew 6:33).

"Take this heart, set it on fire shine it in the dark, I wanna tell the world of who You are, all I am is Yours"

Lord, I do not want Your light to be hidden. Set this heart of mine on fire, blazing through darkness. You know my heart and desire for adventure. Take me wherever You want. Where You lead, I will follow. I ask for more confidence, fearlessness, and trust in You.

"...I give You everything, to You I belong, every beat of my heart the breath in my lungs, all I am is Yours, all I am is Yours...I lift my hands up, God I surrender, all that I am for Your glory, Your honor, Your faith, I lift my hands up, God I surrender to You..."

Father, I surrender to You. I surrender to You in the morning, throughout the day, and when I lay my head down at night. All I am is Yours.

Amen.

Jump then fall.

I learned a TON about trust yesterday...

...as I jumped from a plane 14,000 feet in the air!!

A good friend an I decided it would be an excellent idea to skydive just a few days prior to our jump. Impulsive, yes. Worth it, absolutely. The night before I could hardly sleep. In my heart I felt a mix of excitement (I have been dreaming of doing this for YEARS) and nerves. I picked up my friend (still not feeling like the day was real) and drove to Chester, SC, out in the sticks. I was feeling anxious, but in the best way. 

God is faithful in the smallest prayers, even prayers against storms. It was a beautiful day. Blue skies and fluffy clouds. The perfect day to jump out of a plane. 

We got to Skydive Carolina, checked in, watched a video about the possibility of dying and signing our lives away, put on our jumpsuits and harnesses, met our instructors (thanks Doug for saving my life!), and boarded the plane. It took us a total of 7 minutes, YES 7 minutes, to rise to 14,000 feet, above the clouds, where we would jump. Still feeling a little anxious, I looked out the window, and instantly prayed for peace (and lots of it). My instructor was the best and I made sure to tell him multiple times of how great he was because...he was in charge of my life. He calmly reminded me what to do once we got to the door of the plane, pushed me across the bench, counted 1...2...3....

And out the plane door we jumped.

And it was THE BEST!

There was no time to think, no time to go back in the plane. It was time to fall. However, it didn't feel like falling at all. It was more like flying and floating all at the same time. During the free fall I realized how much trust I put into my instructor. He was in charge of everything...making sure I was strapped in well to him, the parachute, and all the other details I didn't really care to know about. I couldn't do a single thing to control the situation, it was all in his hands. It felt hard to breathe a little bit because you are going so fast, but at the same time...who really cares if you can't breathe well...you are flying in the sky...and that is awesome. I did not feel the least bit anxious, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

Then, my instructor opened the parachute, we flew up a little, and all was quiet and still. We were floating with the clouds and I was able to take in the beauty of the day. Clear skies, green land, bodies of water...and it was during this time I decided I wanted to become a bird and fly everywhere. 

I took in the moment and related the adventure to our adventure with the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my God, my Father in Heaven. He is like the millions of skydive instructors in the world. He tells me what to do calmly, and I have to obey...because my life is in His Hands. He asks me to trust and sometimes I feel anxious but only in the best way. He asks me to fall and I fall in the shadow of His wings. He asks me to gaze upon His beauty, His creation, and I gaze in wonder and amazement. Following Him can be scary because many things are unknown, but He is faithful always and not one of His promises have ever been broken (Joshua 23:14). Life with Him is a thrill, an adventure. Sometimes it's hard to breathe in this journey, but then comes the quiet, the still, the peace. I have learned that I love to be in control, I think that's part of human nature, but I have also learned that I don't want to be in control. Life with Him is like skydiving, and it's beautiful. I am not in control, no matter how much I try. I surrender and He makes sure I'm strapped in real tight to Him.

Thank you Jesus for such a sweet adventure. You are my love, my desire, and I yield my heart to You when I desire control. Your love is better than life and I will praise Your name. Thank you for your faithfulness, Your grace, Your mercy. Thank you for calling me Yours and pursuing me wildly, fervently, and constantly. 

Amen. 

The livin's easy.

I have two words to say.

Summer. Rocks.

I love all things involving the summer. Such as, but not limited to...time at the pool, reading books, reading books AT the pool, hot weather, lazy mornings with coffee, and watching Disney movies as I babysit.

Tonight I persuaded the kids to watch the movie Up purely for selfish reasons (whoops). Tears well up in my eyes almost every time I watch this movie and tonight was no exception. I love the sweet little man and his sweet little wife. They love each other with a love that is unending and pure. I also love Russell, the boyscout who kills me every time I see his picture. Try to look at the picture below without laughing or smiling. You can't.

Russell is all boy and determined to get that last badge on his scout uniform. He is hilarious and carefree and tonight he reminded me of my little people from school.

The more I thought about those little people, the more I missed them. I have enjoyed the peaceful, carefree atmosphere of summer yet I found myself wondering what our students were doing and if they were also enjoying their summer. 

A couple of our students mentioned not wanting to have summer break because they would have nothing to do. Many families travel during the summer or visit family. I knew this probably wouldn't be the case for many of my friends. Many of their parents, if they live with both mom and dad, are working and just trying to make ends meet. So, for them, summer meant staying at home because their parents or guardians are at work. Are they having fun? Are they getting the positive attention they need at ages 5, 6, and 7? 

I wish I could scoop them up and take them all to the beach. I wish I could squeeze them and tell them I miss them. I hope they are enjoying summer as a 5, 6, and 7 year old should and aren't being forced to live grown up lives. I hope they know their teachers love them, care for them, and miss them. Most of all, I hope they come to know a Man who gave the greatest gift there ever was to give. I hope they learn to call on His Name, to praise Him, and to give their lives to the One who gave His life to them. 

Father, thank you for my students. I pray their summers are filled with joy, rest, and fun. Ultimately, I pray they come to know You as their Father in Heaven. Use us, as teachers, to spread Your fragrance on Your beloved children. Thank you that You are sovereign, compassionate, and faithful. 

Bring Your children home to You.

Amen.

Set a Fire.

"Set a fire, down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of You, God..."

This lyric starts one of my favorite songs and a lyric that has become a recent prayer. Deuteronomy 4:24 says, "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." In context, the verse is in the midst of a passage talking about how idolatry among the Israelites, and us as believers, is forbidden. God is a jealous God. "He asks us to treat only Him - and no one else in all the universe - as God." (NIV footnote) The footnote goes on to talk about the negative connotation with the word "jealous". However, with God, "jealous" has a great connotation. He wants us to be devoted to Him, serving and loving only Him, because it is in this kind of devotion where "those who lose their life for Me will find it" (Matthew 16:25). I want this kind of life. A life completely abandoned to the One who calls me by name and pursues me daily.

This is where the song comes in. "Set a fire, down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of You, God..." A fire is consuming, burning, and uncontrolled. God, who is the epitome of love and all things good, wants to take up residence in our heart and become an uncontrolled fire down in our souls. Why? He wants His people to become head over heels, madly in love, with Him. This kind of love wells up from Your soul and can't help but become poured out onto others. Who doesn't want this kind of Love? Each of our souls thirst for this kind of Love. 

So Father, let this continue to be a prayer of my heart. Would you set a fire, down in my soul, that I can't contain or control? Father, I want to see more of who You are, more of Your character. Help me to  daily lay down my life for Your sake. Thank you that You are full of grace, mercy, and uncontrollable love. 

Amen.

Carpet Prayers

As a teacher, and for all teachers out there, I feel like I should start this post with...

WE HAVE TWO DAYS LEFT OF SCHOOL UNTIL SUMMERTIME!!!!

Hal-lel-u-jah!!

Two days left of my second year as a teacher. Seems like yesterday I was trudging through the snow and 500 mile winds up at Appalachian State. Time flies.

Anyways, like any teacher during this time of year, our school days have been filled with lots of excited little bodies, non-rule followers, extra recess, and movies galore. Yesterday we spent quite a bit of time outside, came in, and sat on the carpet to watch Reading Rainbow ("Butterflies in the sky, I can fly twice as high..." I know the whole theme song now.). They were actin' a tad bit outta hand so I decided we all just needed a few minutes spent with our eyes closed. You know, time to ourselves where we could all get our bodies under control.

As I look around at my little friends I see most eyes closed, a few eyes peeking to make sure they weren't the only ones with their eyes closed, and then one little friend with his hands clasped like he is in prayer. And what do ya know, homeboy starts to pray and I almost start to cry.

Dear God,
Thank you for school. Help me to have good behavior. Help me with reading and math.
Amen.

The kids sitting around him start whispering and one of my girls pipes up because she is clearly trying to go along with the prayer. "Shhhh, he's praying!" Next thing I know, half the class has their eyes closed and hands clasped in prayer in agreement with him.

And there I was, sitting at the front of my classroom, looking at this little friend praying to the God of the Universe. I will be honest, half of my heart started getting nervous and my eyes wondered to the classroom door hoping no one super important would walk in. Then my heart felt at ease and I was reminded that He IS the God of the Universe, a God that cannot and will not be stopped. Not only is His name I AM, but He hears the prayers of all people and He desires the type of childlike faith of this particular friend. All this little person was asked to do was to take a minute to close his eyes and the first thing he knew to do was to pray. Props to his parents for teaching about the most important relationship that ever has and ever will exist.

I saw a glimpse of what community should look like. Friends, peace, and childlike prayers.

This moment reminds me that my prayers, as simple and sometimes ridiculous as they may be, are always heard. Not only are my prayers heard but the entire planet's prayers are heard. He created each heartbeat according to His will. And that's purpose.

Father thank you for such a sweet moment. Thank you for this student with faith at the age of 5. I ask for this type of childlike faith and to focus on Your character when my mind feels unrest. You are God, I am not. Let me not fill the spaces of my heart with things I can do. Let this always be Your job to carry out, to fill my heart with all that You are. Help me release my desire for control, letting loose the reigns like a child relies on his parent. 

Amen.