Rest.

I don't really remember driving to school this morning (sorry Mama...). My brain felt foggy, eyes felt heavy, and coffee wasn't working. Exhaustion. It's not like I went on crazy adventures this past weekend, which would have made for a better story, but I have come to the conclusion that my body just needs rest. Pure, simple, rest. The sleep kind of rest and the spiritual kind of rest.

To rest at the feet of Jesus. This is what I need, this is what I have, with discipline, daily. Resting at the feet of Jesus produces peace and hope. A peace coming from the Holy Spirit and hope coming from His Word. When you rest all things fade away for a moment. Your body slows down (literally) and your mind is quieted and rejuvenated. Rest.

As I rest in Jesus I see a picture of hands letting go of reigns, the weight of the world lifted, and chains broken. It's not about me when I rest in Jesus. Nor will it ever be. I am but a backstage worker in His show.

As I rest in Jesus my fears are traded with confidence, unrest is traded with peace, and my heart is filled with a Love that overflows. As I rest in Jesus I don't have to worry about what's ahead and don't have to worry about if I am fulfilling the calling He has on my life. I don't have to worry because He says, "I AM". The Maker of Heaven and Earth, I AM.

As I rest in Jesus I find Divine purpose and a desire to want to do what He says to do daily. Yet, sometimes I find myself feeling overwhelmed. It's daunting to know the many different directions I could be led, yet not know a single one of them yet. What's my calling? What happens next? Lord, is this Your will? These questions are daunting.

I read an article this afternoon that correlates perfectly with these overwhelming thoughts.

"It takes an extraordinary amount of discipline and maturity to live in today, walking step by step doing whatever I'm supposed to do today. It takes discipline to say "I don't know." It takes faith to trust in one-day-at-a-time. It requires me to lay down my desperate, freakish desire for control and trust He is at work.

He knows the reason I was made. If I walk in step with Him every day I will walk into the reason. Maybe I'm here for something big and meaningful, or maybe I'm supposed to pick up rocks so the tractors don't break.

My "calling" is every day." (Relevant Magazine)

Lord, help me to live my calling every single day, to be present, and to share Your Name every chance You provide. Help me walk in step with You. Thank you for calling me Yours.

Amen.

Psalm 89:15-17

When I think about this past week at school a few words come to mind: testing, cabin fever, weird schedule, changes, and discomfort. Sums up the week perfectly. It was another week and I will choose to be grateful for the circumstances. Looking back, I cannot say I was grateful during the circumstances, but I am a mere human and that is okay. His mercies are new each morning and I am a constant student of His patience, love, and grace. Now, that it's Saturday, I will choose to be grateful. Grateful for moments of impatience because the Lord has been incredibly patient with me. Grateful for moments of change because it results in producing perseverance, character, and hope. Grateful. Grateful for time with Jesus and time for learning. 

It's so funny, and perfect, how the Lord places key verses on your heart. Key verses that perfectly match up with your circumstances. Psalm 89:15 ran through my mind multiple times this week.

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord. They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. For you are their glory and strength, and by your favor you exalt our horn."

Psalm 89:15-17

It's a learning process...

To acclaim means to shout or praise. The psalmist says, "Blessed are those who have LEARNED to acclaim you..." Just like learning how to tie your shoes. You don't just know how to tie your shoes, you learn. It's a process. It's a process to learn to acclaim Him. The Lord gives different circumstances in your life to help you acclaim Him. The psalmist also says "they rejoice in your name all day long; they exult (leap for joy) in your righteousness." You learn to rejoice in His name all day long. It's a process. So many times I find myself getting wrapped up in selfish desires...my needs, my wants. Yet this is not Kingdom living. Kingdom living includes daily dying to self, daily putting on the armor of God, daily acclaiming Him, daily rejoicing in His righteousness. 

Why rejoice in His Name all day long? Nine words. 

"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

Let those nine words rock your world. It has rocked mine. 

When I meditate on those nine words I find myself feeling incredibly humbled, awestruck, unworthy, accepted, free, and hopeful. Those words are life. Those words are love.

Father, thank you. Thank you for being patient with me. Daily, let me sit at Your throne and be amazed. You are love, You are forgiveness, and You are power. Help me learn to acclaim You, walk in Your splendid light, and exult in Your righteousness all day long. You have won me. 

Amen.

Reminisce

I had a moment of frustration today. Well...maybe many moments. It is towards the end of the year and of course the buzz word around any school this time of year is "assessment". Often this word buzzes in teacher's ears so loudly and so obnoxiously (or maybe it's just me). Yet, it is part of teaching and it can help to measure student's growth.

I drove home today feeling tired of testing and feeling like student's shouldn't be marked by a test score. I felt discouraged because some of my little friends did not perform as I had hoped. I felt defeated because I try my best daily and work my hardest. Now, sure, I could always work a little harder, but there are days where I am just plain worn out. So Lord, I ask for more of your strength and patience as I go to school tomorrow. Yet, still these kids are put in a box with a big piece of masking tape all around it labeled with their end of year test score. This is my rant on testing - now I am done. 

Anyways...as I was driving home I found myself thinking about my little Kenyan friend who wore a sparkly, satin, torn, blue dress and broken, pink, glittery sandals. I held her on my hip for quite a while that day last summer. She was beautiful with her sweet little face and big brown eyes. Her smile was radiant. I asked her name at least five different times but never could quite make it out with her thick African accent. She created multiple braids in my hair and never ceased to stop singing her song. Her song was loud, clear, and repetitive. It went a little something like this..."Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, again I say rejoice!" We sang this line together multiple times, over and over and over again. Our languages were different but our spirit's in sync.

This little one speaks a truth worthy to be spoken at school, at home, around town, constantly. To "rejoice in the Lord always" means to be glad, grateful, and jubilant in all circumstances...even during testing at school. Why? Rejoice because you are free. Rejoice because you are forgiven. Rejoice because you are worthy. Rejoice because you are loved with a relentless love. Rejoice because of His mercy. Rejoice because of His grace. Rejoice because He is living and active and dwells within us. Rejoice because when we knock we will find. Rejoice because He is with us always even til the end of the age. Rejoice in the Lord always. 

Father God. Would you please shift my perspective? Shift my perspective to see with Your eyes, love with Your heart, and rejoice in all circumstances. You sent Your Son to die a murderer's death for me and that is enough for me to rejoice. That will always be enough. 

Amen.

Did you know my favorite color is green?

Goodness gracious. Little people will wear the heck out you. They need constant direction, explanation, grace, and forgiveness, all bound in love. But don't we all? Lord knows I sure do. I would be runnin' around like a chicken with its' head cut off without the steadfast, guiding hand of God.

I have a few friends that wear me out daily.

One little friend in-particular, wears me out when he absolutely will not play a math game because he is not using his favorite color dice, which is green.

Or when he will not cut out shapes on his paper because he is not using his favorite colored scissors, which are green.

Or when he has to move his clip from "Green" (it's his favorite color) to "Yellow" (warning) because he has made a poor choice. Now, not only is he in trouble (arms crossed, angry face looking to the ground, stomping feet) but his clip is now hanging out on yellow rather than his favorite color, which is green.

"Ms. Teddy, did you know my favorite color is green?" I get this question almost every week.

The kid loves the color green. He has green shoelaces, loves Mario and Luigi (mostly Luigi because, of course, he's green), and pretty much any living or lifeless being that is green.

I will give it to the kid, he's got some downright passion for the color green. 

All I got to say is this: I'm tryin' to have this kind of passion for my Loving, Compassionate, Perfect Savior. My little friend wants the world to know his love for green. I want the world to know, His people to know, this Love that has been freely given. This Love that surpasses all understanding. This Love that is steadfast and constant.

Father God rock my world daily. Bring me to my knees each morning and night, humbled at Your feet, so I could go and bring this kind of passion to Your people. 

Amen.

Blind Beggars

Throughout the school year I have reminded my students to put themselves in the character's shoes (I know this is teacher language but bear with me...there's a point...) Not only does it increase comprehension but it also allows for the story to come to life in a more personal way. Yesterday I read a passage in Scripture that really came to life for me...

Matthew 20: 29-34 "Two Blind Men Receive Sight"

As Jesus and his disciples were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” The crowd rebuked them and told them to be quiet, but they shouted all the louder, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!” Jesus stopped and called them. “What do you want me to do for you?” he asked. “Lord,” they answered, “we want our sight.” Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.

I can vividly imagine this scene. Jesus is walking along the road, a huge, loud, crowd following him. The crowd was probably speaking Jesus' Name or talking about Him in some way as they passed the blind beggars. These men, not seeing, must have heard Jesus' Name. At the sound of His Name they must've known. They must've known and heard before of the miraculous healings Jesus was performing. They must've known that He was someone who would never be forgotten, someone who was matchless in power and love. They must've known He would have compassion on them when no one else had stopped for them before. They knew. They had a faith and trust in something they could not see, but they knew He was who He said He was. These men did not know Jesus from Adam yet they instantly believed when they heard. They instantly trusted and put their faith in His healing power. Instantly. They began to shout, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!" and when the crowd REBUKED them they shouted ALL THE LOUDER. They knew, trusted, believed without ever seeing a thing. And then the Lord answered them with compassion. He gave them their sight and instantly followed him.

He gave them their sight and I just have to wonder - what was it like when they looked at Jesus for the first time? Their first time seeing. I can only imagine the compassion, love, and acceptance in Jesus' eyes. I wonder if they were star-struck? I wonder if they started to weep? I wonder if they shouted for joy? I wonder if they fell on their face? The Scriptures don't explain what happens after they received their sight, it just says they saw and followed Him. They knew this was a man they did not want to lose sight of. Instantly.

Father God. Thank you for the example of faith, trust, and belief that these blind men showed. I ask for an increase in this type of faith, this type of trust, and this type of belief. Thank you that your eyes are full of compassion and mercy for your people. In You I trust. Thank you for loving me with a love that is steadfast and unwavering. 

Amen.

Pour Out

Well, another rough day bites the dust. I laugh (kind of) because I asked for it. I asked to be refined, to be pushed, to be depleted of myself, all so I could be more like Him. I want that. I want to be more like Him but I am recognizing it is TOUGH.

Today began with a lock down (when the school has to shut down for safety reasons), was followed with one of my special friends throwing an absolute FIT (including, but not limited to, sobbing and stubbornness), and ending with another friend blatantly lying and refusing to tell the truth. Joy. Furthermore, my heart for the sweet little (and big) friends at school just hurts.

Yet, I asked for it. I asked, prayed, believed, that my heart would break for what breaks His. And here I am, brokenhearted, for these kids, these lost sheep that the Shepherd desires to find. God's heart breaks for the hopeless, fatherless, poor, weary, and lost. And some of these kids are all of these things. And this is why my heart hurts. I feel powerless. I am only one person and I cannot change the way these friends feel. However, God can. This life is not and will not ever have me as the center of attention. This is God's show. He makes the shots.

So Lord, I come to Your throne boldly asking for redemption, peace, structure, consistency, and an outpouring of Your Spirit over my school. Let it be known that it is Your dwelling place. I feel discouraged and have poured out my soul in prayer for these little people. Sure, I could pray more for them but I am asking Him, seeking Him, believing in His protection over the school, over these kid's lives. Holy Spirit You are welcome. Permeate the walls of the school building with your sweet aroma. Let this be enough to bring change, hope, and a desire for these kids to become the best they can possibly be. Amen.